Dear Diary, (that shouldn't be posted on the internet)
I'm back home now. We had daylight savings so the day lasts longer which is fantastic. My vaan cosplay has been continuing well. Even though my sister has been exhausted with giving advice and help, progress is going well. Revision is going well, I've decided to do my oral presentation on Tuberculosis and will begin my research and powerpoint tomorrow. I've started watching Dr House with my sister, because I've practically finished Law and Order SVU apart from the latest episodes from season 13 which isn't avaliable in the U.K. yet. So much has happened lately. The CLAMP Cosplay group welcomed two new members. I'm having a lovely time relaxing and seeing my family who I have missed so much. I finally got to play Cardcaptor Sakura on PS1 on my badass Cloud PS3 from Japan.
So its been alot more positive since my last post. I also have two new shutter glasses, my last one broke cleanly in half when trying to get to MilkIt and some red contact lenses to bang out. Things have gotten popular on youtube, alot of people have been recommending me videos to check out and review. And I've made more friends on Twitter and facebook.
The only thing I'm worried about is my exams. I have 10 exams, 1 coursework, 1 oral presentation and a cosplay which needs help from a sister who also bless has so much work to do as well. Other than that life is good. But lately Manticore has been on my mind alot lately, don't know why. He's stopped commenting on my status updates. Maybe he's bored bless. Anyway as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz would say, there's no place like home :D
Friday 30 March 2012
Thursday 22 March 2012
I Love Katy Perry's New Song 'Part of Me'
I've lately been addicted to Katy Perry's new song 'Part Of Me'. It's so catchy and makes me feel so emotional and empowered because the lyrics are so inspirational. I really do believe Katy Perry directed the song towards Russel Brand as a way of saying, your not going to take away a part of me. The lyric "But your not going to break my soul" brings meaning to the song and I'm so excited for the music video, the preview showed Katy Perry as a soldier, should be interesting. My sister Faith, who I adore so much. Loves Katy Perry. Faith doesn't like the artists I like which are Lady Gaga, Beyoncé, Shakira and Rihanna. Her music tastes reach towards the other end of pop with Katy Perry and The Black Eyed Peas. I can't wait to talk to her about this song and how good it is and sing the lyrics together.
I also love this song because it helped me get through some of these tough days with people making me feel down. So Katy Perry, thankyou very much for such a wonderful song. It was so good I replayed it on Youtube about 25 times? or more. It was that good for me.
I also love this song because it helped me get through some of these tough days with people making me feel down. So Katy Perry, thankyou very much for such a wonderful song. It was so good I replayed it on Youtube about 25 times? or more. It was that good for me.
Diary Entry #8~ Spring Break could not come sooner
Dear Diary, (that shouldn't be posted on the internet)
today was a bad day and a good day. Juxtaposition? I think so. Today I finished a moc exam, talked to my wonderful Sarah, met her mum, had Pizza with Abby and Mikayla and got to know Mikayla alot more. But bad things also happened. Sarah is gone now, Hubert is cross because we didn't invite him for pizza because he didn't have any money, there's nobody I can talk to about this because Kaerith is ill, Madnut is busy with work and her boyfriend, Sarah is gone, Stephanie is busy with her ex-boyfriend, Hubert is gone and won't talk to me and I don't find Facebook and Twitter a suitable replacement. On Twitter today it also got me slightly down when I heard poor Tulisa had been betrayed by her lover, her ex-boyfriend posted a sex tape on the internet according to rumours. Didn't hear this rumours until today, just shows how slow I am with the latest celebrity gossip, my life is a Drama, why do I need to read up on some more. But after listening to Tulisa talking on video about how upset she was to discover the video, it made me sad. I can't imagine what she's going through, and to be honest I'm making a fuss over nothing.
Yesterday, there was more drama on facebook that was escalated again. I don't know why people thought I was angry or upset with Manticore. Manticore for the past month has been commenting on my status updates with insults such as 'idiot', 'stupid' and 'silly'. I know Manticore loves to joke and is hyperactive so when I respond with comebacks I kind of expect it to be received as a joke too. Manticore deleted the posts he made and the ones I posted on his timeline. I wonder why. Was it a joke that went too far I wonder. People don't know me very well. Because they never take the time to know me I guess. And the best thing about this blog is I don't think anyone reads it. I hope it stays that way. I enjoy posting what's on my mind without anyone criticizing me and I really need to word vomit everything and I mean everything.
I really am going to miss Sarah, to be honest. Sarah has been the only person to listen to me properly lately. Kaerith lives too faraway, Hubert is too busy, Madnut is so busy I only ever see her in lectures or when hunting for a house which I have to say is still going to the dogs. I'm pissed off with people saying to me
"ADAM, HAVE YOU FOUND A HOUSE? OH WE FOUND A HOUSE, WE'RE SORTED"
Inside my head I wanna say out loud:
"OH YEAH! WELL GOOD FOR YOU, LET'S HOPE YOU DON'T GET BURGLED OR RIPPED OFF BY THE LANDLORD AND I WANT TO THROW YOU HORRIBLY BUT LOVINGLY INTO A BATHTUB FULL OF DIRTY WATER and just giggle because your wet and that's my revenge over".
I'm just not a horrible person, no matter how hard I try to be more horrible I can't do it. It's not within my bones. But I don't like people rubbing in my situations in my face with salt. Especially people who already have what I don't have. Hubert let us down, big time. And he still has the nerve to say to my face you better hurry up to find a house. Well who's fault it is we haven't found a house sooner or in time?
As well as arguing with an ebay seller that sent a product that looks different to the photos, my grandmother sent me an email asking me why I hadn't asked for money when I needed it, because my mum mentioned it. Bless my mum, I know she means the best but the number of times they've rubbed it in is also giving me an achy skin, I wish she didn't tell her.
"Adam, why did you not ask for it?"
"Because 1. I've never asked for money from you, or received money from you until now.
2. I don't live with you, its already awkward enough to ask for it.
3. I don't want to feel in debt and I have dignity. I'm 19. I want to feel independent.
I still haven't found a job. I haven't gone to any clubs in ages because my health is down the drain, my studies are asking for attention like a baby screaming for 24/7 attention of love, care and feeding, nappy changing. I don't what Manticore wants. My cousin sent me an email, it sounded weird, I didn't translate it or responded yet but it sounded like he wasn't happy with my family.
I have to finish a costume, revise for over 10 exams? Those exams might be during the Expo Kaerith told me recently. I have trouble falling asleep. Even when typing this I have insomnia, I have trouble falling asleep because all these thoughts rush through my head and lately I've been wondering if people do care about me.
And that's it basically. Truth be told, I need to runaway. But I don't have money. I just do not have money.
I want to cry. But crying requires effort and alot of water in your body. I don't have water in my body, I have Ribena. I have been drinking nothing but Ribena because I can't stand the water in this place. I want to cry, but it's the opposite my body is doing. When you cry you feel better and you move on. But my body feels empty. I feel hollow like there's no feeling. And oh dear lord alarm bells begin ringing in my head when I start hearing this symptoms. For now this is normal, its only stayed like this for nearly 24 hours and fingers crossed it should go. And also alot is going on I guess.
Unhappiness, go away! Come back another day!
TokyoDreamer9
today was a bad day and a good day. Juxtaposition? I think so. Today I finished a moc exam, talked to my wonderful Sarah, met her mum, had Pizza with Abby and Mikayla and got to know Mikayla alot more. But bad things also happened. Sarah is gone now, Hubert is cross because we didn't invite him for pizza because he didn't have any money, there's nobody I can talk to about this because Kaerith is ill, Madnut is busy with work and her boyfriend, Sarah is gone, Stephanie is busy with her ex-boyfriend, Hubert is gone and won't talk to me and I don't find Facebook and Twitter a suitable replacement. On Twitter today it also got me slightly down when I heard poor Tulisa had been betrayed by her lover, her ex-boyfriend posted a sex tape on the internet according to rumours. Didn't hear this rumours until today, just shows how slow I am with the latest celebrity gossip, my life is a Drama, why do I need to read up on some more. But after listening to Tulisa talking on video about how upset she was to discover the video, it made me sad. I can't imagine what she's going through, and to be honest I'm making a fuss over nothing.
Yesterday, there was more drama on facebook that was escalated again. I don't know why people thought I was angry or upset with Manticore. Manticore for the past month has been commenting on my status updates with insults such as 'idiot', 'stupid' and 'silly'. I know Manticore loves to joke and is hyperactive so when I respond with comebacks I kind of expect it to be received as a joke too. Manticore deleted the posts he made and the ones I posted on his timeline. I wonder why. Was it a joke that went too far I wonder. People don't know me very well. Because they never take the time to know me I guess. And the best thing about this blog is I don't think anyone reads it. I hope it stays that way. I enjoy posting what's on my mind without anyone criticizing me and I really need to word vomit everything and I mean everything.
I really am going to miss Sarah, to be honest. Sarah has been the only person to listen to me properly lately. Kaerith lives too faraway, Hubert is too busy, Madnut is so busy I only ever see her in lectures or when hunting for a house which I have to say is still going to the dogs. I'm pissed off with people saying to me
"ADAM, HAVE YOU FOUND A HOUSE? OH WE FOUND A HOUSE, WE'RE SORTED"
Inside my head I wanna say out loud:
"OH YEAH! WELL GOOD FOR YOU, LET'S HOPE YOU DON'T GET BURGLED OR RIPPED OFF BY THE LANDLORD AND I WANT TO THROW YOU HORRIBLY BUT LOVINGLY INTO A BATHTUB FULL OF DIRTY WATER and just giggle because your wet and that's my revenge over".
I'm just not a horrible person, no matter how hard I try to be more horrible I can't do it. It's not within my bones. But I don't like people rubbing in my situations in my face with salt. Especially people who already have what I don't have. Hubert let us down, big time. And he still has the nerve to say to my face you better hurry up to find a house. Well who's fault it is we haven't found a house sooner or in time?
As well as arguing with an ebay seller that sent a product that looks different to the photos, my grandmother sent me an email asking me why I hadn't asked for money when I needed it, because my mum mentioned it. Bless my mum, I know she means the best but the number of times they've rubbed it in is also giving me an achy skin, I wish she didn't tell her.
"Adam, why did you not ask for it?"
"Because 1. I've never asked for money from you, or received money from you until now.
2. I don't live with you, its already awkward enough to ask for it.
3. I don't want to feel in debt and I have dignity. I'm 19. I want to feel independent.
I still haven't found a job. I haven't gone to any clubs in ages because my health is down the drain, my studies are asking for attention like a baby screaming for 24/7 attention of love, care and feeding, nappy changing. I don't what Manticore wants. My cousin sent me an email, it sounded weird, I didn't translate it or responded yet but it sounded like he wasn't happy with my family.
I have to finish a costume, revise for over 10 exams? Those exams might be during the Expo Kaerith told me recently. I have trouble falling asleep. Even when typing this I have insomnia, I have trouble falling asleep because all these thoughts rush through my head and lately I've been wondering if people do care about me.
And that's it basically. Truth be told, I need to runaway. But I don't have money. I just do not have money.
I want to cry. But crying requires effort and alot of water in your body. I don't have water in my body, I have Ribena. I have been drinking nothing but Ribena because I can't stand the water in this place. I want to cry, but it's the opposite my body is doing. When you cry you feel better and you move on. But my body feels empty. I feel hollow like there's no feeling. And oh dear lord alarm bells begin ringing in my head when I start hearing this symptoms. For now this is normal, its only stayed like this for nearly 24 hours and fingers crossed it should go. And also alot is going on I guess.
Unhappiness, go away! Come back another day!
TokyoDreamer9
Saturday 17 March 2012
Diary Entry #7~ Apparently I'm a mushy pea :B
Dear Diary (that shouldn't be posted on the internet),
I recently got phoned by my stepmother. However, I don't consider her a stepmother but another mummy and friend. I have in total up to six mums according to my friend Kaerith. I have my biological mum who's my number 1 friend in the whole wide world, then my auntie mum who's not my auntie but my best friend and mummy, then Kaerith is my mum, (how that works when she's two months younger than me is beyond me), then Kaerith's mum is my mummy and my step-mum is also a mummy and recently Maddie became my mummy. Wow, that's alot of mums looking after me. Anyway, she phoned to check how I was doing as well as mum #1. I feel so loved these days. I should be asleep but I haven't blogged in ages and had the need to do so now. We still haven't found a house but I still haven't given up. Today I got phoned my bio papa. It was nice to finally talk after awhile. It's so easy for time to fly before you realize you haven't seen or talked to anyone. Swept away with time with all those deadlines, practicals, friend film nights, eating cake at 2am in the morning you forget about all the loved ones at home. So it was nice to catch up.
Yesterday was a bad night, I stayed up till 5am doing coursework. Organic Chemistry was fine but Genetics was a huge problem. Had no idea how to do the plasmid map configuration. Google, Moodle, ask a friend, ask my noggin, read the question, have a flashback of what the demonstrater said in the practical resulted in EPIC FAIL. Apart from that, bought lots of rubbish from Tescos with Steph and Sarah and ate half a cake of a birthday cake even though as we could say in Rihanna's words, its not even our birthday. The CLAMP COSPLAY GROUP UK group on Facebook has taken off quite well, we've gotten nearly 20 members and its looking promising for the future. Manticore has been cheeky lately but I think things are getting better and I've also been good with my money.
Last Thursday was Maddie's Bday for her 20th and I think she had a smashing good time. Kaerith came and met Sarah properly and the two got on like a house on fire. Maddie had a lovely time with her boyfriend and Yagernation gave me the giggles along with Katie and a poor Sarah the sore arm due to a drunk Abbey.
Life is looking up at the moment, even though we still don't have a house for next year. I have a good feeling about it at the moment.
Goodnight
TokyoDreamer9
I recently got phoned by my stepmother. However, I don't consider her a stepmother but another mummy and friend. I have in total up to six mums according to my friend Kaerith. I have my biological mum who's my number 1 friend in the whole wide world, then my auntie mum who's not my auntie but my best friend and mummy, then Kaerith is my mum, (how that works when she's two months younger than me is beyond me), then Kaerith's mum is my mummy and my step-mum is also a mummy and recently Maddie became my mummy. Wow, that's alot of mums looking after me. Anyway, she phoned to check how I was doing as well as mum #1. I feel so loved these days. I should be asleep but I haven't blogged in ages and had the need to do so now. We still haven't found a house but I still haven't given up. Today I got phoned my bio papa. It was nice to finally talk after awhile. It's so easy for time to fly before you realize you haven't seen or talked to anyone. Swept away with time with all those deadlines, practicals, friend film nights, eating cake at 2am in the morning you forget about all the loved ones at home. So it was nice to catch up.
Yesterday was a bad night, I stayed up till 5am doing coursework. Organic Chemistry was fine but Genetics was a huge problem. Had no idea how to do the plasmid map configuration. Google, Moodle, ask a friend, ask my noggin, read the question, have a flashback of what the demonstrater said in the practical resulted in EPIC FAIL. Apart from that, bought lots of rubbish from Tescos with Steph and Sarah and ate half a cake of a birthday cake even though as we could say in Rihanna's words, its not even our birthday. The CLAMP COSPLAY GROUP UK group on Facebook has taken off quite well, we've gotten nearly 20 members and its looking promising for the future. Manticore has been cheeky lately but I think things are getting better and I've also been good with my money.
Last Thursday was Maddie's Bday for her 20th and I think she had a smashing good time. Kaerith came and met Sarah properly and the two got on like a house on fire. Maddie had a lovely time with her boyfriend and Yagernation gave me the giggles along with Katie and a poor Sarah the sore arm due to a drunk Abbey.
Life is looking up at the moment, even though we still don't have a house for next year. I have a good feeling about it at the moment.
Goodnight
TokyoDreamer9
Saturday 3 March 2012
TokyoDreamer9? Why choose that name?
I chose the name TokyoDreamer9 for many reasons. I remember signing up for some things on the internet that required a username and I thought what would be appropriate. I love Tokyo and I love Japan. My whole life and hobbies revolve around Japan whether its the culture, language, anime, manga, videogames, cosplay etc. My dream is to move there someday. And thats when I realized, I constantly dream about Tokyo making me technically a Tokyo Dreamer. And finally the number, I could have said number 1, but I don't like to call myself number 1. I feel insecure with trying to be the best. Then number 7 hit me because its usually a lucky number but the ring of seven with the rest of the name TokyoDreamer9 didn't click for me. And then the number 9. I don't know why but TokyoDreamer9 sounds right for me. The Nine clicks and that's all there is to it. I still dream about Tokyo like there's no tomorrow. I dream about visiting Tokyo Tower so badly, the trains, the stores, the people. I dream about the photo kiosks, the malls, the shrines. And the number 9 still feels special to me. As well as being the month I was born in, it resonates well with me. And finally that's why I'm called as such. There's a reason to everything, this wasn't some cliché, dolled up name, this is what I am everyday.
Yours Truly
TD9
Yours Truly
TD9
Diary Entry #6~ Mission Impossible [The quest for a house continues]
Dear Diary, (that shouldn't be posted on the internet)
The work these days has been quite harrowing. I'm stuck on a tutorial essay that makes stuff all sense. But some good news, I have found some houses to view for next week. I really do hope we find a house next week it's getting to the point where we need to put our minds to rest about the house issue next year. I don't why recently but I've lost alot of inspiration to do things like Youtube and the blog abit. It's down to tiredness, its amazing how tiredness can put you off alot of things. I'm trying to fight it but ever since I started GCSEs I've been working so hard and not really had a proper break. Yesterday the fencing team had photos. I decided to join in but thought I wasn't going to make it because of a practical for Organic Chemistry. It was nice seeing the team again but after two months of not playing it was alittle awkward. I've been battling with health, work and also personal problems for awhile now and its hard to juggle everything.
Also last week I got upset with Manticore. I started a cosplay group for CLAMP and have posted alot to try to give people ideas about cosplay and enable the members to feel comfortable. But so far it has been quite good but alot of people aren't posting much. One member asked if they could post photos on the group page which got me worried because I was thinking maybe people thought only the admins could post but the truth is everyone can post what they like. Anyway, Manticore posted on my wall one evening saying to me that I was copying him with his group Roundup and that basically I needed to curb my enthusiasm. Usually as a person, I keep it to myself because I don't like being rude and hurting people's feelings. But I thought Manticore was being rude and little bit up himself to post that on my wall. People seem to think that because I'm easygoing or nice that I just take crap.
Why did I get so upset by it? People lately have been getting quicker to me. Possibly because I'm no longer patient with people like I used to be. But seriously. If Manticore says one more snide comment or post I will not put up with it. Curb the enthusiasm? Look who's talking. Every bloody day its Final Fantasy project this, or my life is going down the drain this. Such a drama queen. The nerve of some people. I'm my own boss, nobody has the right to command me as though I'm a pawn on a chessboard.
And tonight everyone is busy yet again, either with Love, parties or seeing other friends. I will get through this. And when I do, I hope I get alittle more stronger.
The work these days has been quite harrowing. I'm stuck on a tutorial essay that makes stuff all sense. But some good news, I have found some houses to view for next week. I really do hope we find a house next week it's getting to the point where we need to put our minds to rest about the house issue next year. I don't why recently but I've lost alot of inspiration to do things like Youtube and the blog abit. It's down to tiredness, its amazing how tiredness can put you off alot of things. I'm trying to fight it but ever since I started GCSEs I've been working so hard and not really had a proper break. Yesterday the fencing team had photos. I decided to join in but thought I wasn't going to make it because of a practical for Organic Chemistry. It was nice seeing the team again but after two months of not playing it was alittle awkward. I've been battling with health, work and also personal problems for awhile now and its hard to juggle everything.
Also last week I got upset with Manticore. I started a cosplay group for CLAMP and have posted alot to try to give people ideas about cosplay and enable the members to feel comfortable. But so far it has been quite good but alot of people aren't posting much. One member asked if they could post photos on the group page which got me worried because I was thinking maybe people thought only the admins could post but the truth is everyone can post what they like. Anyway, Manticore posted on my wall one evening saying to me that I was copying him with his group Roundup and that basically I needed to curb my enthusiasm. Usually as a person, I keep it to myself because I don't like being rude and hurting people's feelings. But I thought Manticore was being rude and little bit up himself to post that on my wall. People seem to think that because I'm easygoing or nice that I just take crap.
Why did I get so upset by it? People lately have been getting quicker to me. Possibly because I'm no longer patient with people like I used to be. But seriously. If Manticore says one more snide comment or post I will not put up with it. Curb the enthusiasm? Look who's talking. Every bloody day its Final Fantasy project this, or my life is going down the drain this. Such a drama queen. The nerve of some people. I'm my own boss, nobody has the right to command me as though I'm a pawn on a chessboard.
And tonight everyone is busy yet again, either with Love, parties or seeing other friends. I will get through this. And when I do, I hope I get alittle more stronger.
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