Dear Diary,
cannot believe I am Melancholy again! Honestly, my posts are so negative and here's another one. Today I got very cross at alot of people. When people ask me for favours, I do it asap and without asking for anything in return. So when I started planning for a cosplay in 2011 and asked my family if they could help in any way possible to help do it whether it was advice and instructions, they said yes however so far it has been nothing short of a struggle doing this. Today marks another day where progress began and yet again halted. Even Final Fantasy XIII-2 can't take me out of this depression. My friend Kaerith tried to cheer me up. What's annoying me is simple. When you have planned something, you asked and asked again the person whether they would 100% be sure to help and give advice from an early time and then later on they let you down. It really is frustrating. And this isn't the first time. So I don't think I'll go to the convention this summer. Its too soon. Other than that, Titanic gets released tomorrow and everyone is going about a film called The Hunger Games which has also got me interested but I do not want it to become too hyped, films that get too popular end up being overrated making you have high expectations or the plot ruined because people talk about it too much. Other than that. I really do hope I post a more positive blog post next time. Let's hope tomorrow brings a happy day. Because life is too short and you know the rest :)
Friday 6 April 2012
Thursday 5 April 2012
Fantasy VS Reality
Tonight I read something that shook me again. This is the first time I have ever spoken about it but I have two personas. I have a Fantasy Persona. The Fantasy Persona is the person you will most likely see. The Reality Persona is the one that rarely comes out but when it does it threatens everything I am, I believe in and also my happiness.
My Fantasy Persona is my escape, my everything and I have it for alot of reasons. I can't handle my Reality Persona, it tries to make me face the ugly truth about the world and myself. So my Fantasy Persona takes over to blot out the pain. My Fantasy Persona accounts for my happiness, silliness and plain ridiculousness. Without it I cannot cope. My Reality Persona creeps out when I read or hear something that I catches me off guard. Today I read something that I don't want to say because it means facing reality and I don't want to face the truth, I need to forget it. I need to enter Fantasy again because at the end of the day its not about my happiness but about everyone else.
I will try to make some sense. Here's an example. Let's say I read an article on depression and I know deep down I am depressed. Reality persona will try to highlight this truth, whilst Fantasy Persona will try to not only stop Reality but enable Repression/ Suppression and help me forget and pretend it never happened. You could say this is very bad and ignoring the problem, but the truth is some problems do not have solutions.
All my friends and family know me under the persona of Fantasy. They have never met Reality. But I've written this post because I've noticed the cracks that have begun to appear each time I have had this Persona conflict. I am aware of this Persona's, and they are nothing more than my state of mind, this isn't Multiple Personality Disorder or Schizophrenia. Fantasy Persona is when I am happy and view everyone as wonderful people and that the world I live in is something more than kind and sunny. Reality Persona is the one that hits me so hard, I can't stop shaking that I want to cry or shut the world out so bad I enter solitude. One article, just one and I felt flying towards Reality again. Need to be more careful.
Tonight marks another incident of this conflict. It'll be hard to sleep after what I read, but tomorrow I will return to Fantasy Persona. Because that's what everyone wants, they don't want melancholy me right. And nobody wants to know our deep dark secrets. Forget everything, turn that new leaf because at the end of the day, the world will never get better and my happiness is what matters, even if that means seeing the world, my friends, family and society etc as a Fantasy.
My Fantasy Persona is my escape, my everything and I have it for alot of reasons. I can't handle my Reality Persona, it tries to make me face the ugly truth about the world and myself. So my Fantasy Persona takes over to blot out the pain. My Fantasy Persona accounts for my happiness, silliness and plain ridiculousness. Without it I cannot cope. My Reality Persona creeps out when I read or hear something that I catches me off guard. Today I read something that I don't want to say because it means facing reality and I don't want to face the truth, I need to forget it. I need to enter Fantasy again because at the end of the day its not about my happiness but about everyone else.
I will try to make some sense. Here's an example. Let's say I read an article on depression and I know deep down I am depressed. Reality persona will try to highlight this truth, whilst Fantasy Persona will try to not only stop Reality but enable Repression/ Suppression and help me forget and pretend it never happened. You could say this is very bad and ignoring the problem, but the truth is some problems do not have solutions.
All my friends and family know me under the persona of Fantasy. They have never met Reality. But I've written this post because I've noticed the cracks that have begun to appear each time I have had this Persona conflict. I am aware of this Persona's, and they are nothing more than my state of mind, this isn't Multiple Personality Disorder or Schizophrenia. Fantasy Persona is when I am happy and view everyone as wonderful people and that the world I live in is something more than kind and sunny. Reality Persona is the one that hits me so hard, I can't stop shaking that I want to cry or shut the world out so bad I enter solitude. One article, just one and I felt flying towards Reality again. Need to be more careful.
Tonight marks another incident of this conflict. It'll be hard to sleep after what I read, but tomorrow I will return to Fantasy Persona. Because that's what everyone wants, they don't want melancholy me right. And nobody wants to know our deep dark secrets. Forget everything, turn that new leaf because at the end of the day, the world will never get better and my happiness is what matters, even if that means seeing the world, my friends, family and society etc as a Fantasy.
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