Why is Happiness so short-lived?
I just had this question pop into my head today when I realized for
again I wasn't happy. I just realized recently I'm like Haruhi Suzumiya in the
respect that I want more than a normal life can give. I was so looking forward
to this summer but I forgot that I would have no money and will be fasting
soon. None of my friends have spoken to me in quite awhile and too much stuff
keeps going through my head. I have a dilemma again and as usual its a stupid
one. Should I continue doing cosplay or start thinking about travelling.
There's so many characters that I still haven't done cosplaying. But cosplaying
is such a short-lived experience and there's so much drama surrounding it.
Should I give it up? And yet travelling is also expensive. I really want to
explore the world but I don't know. I'm just fed up that nothing is happening
at the moment. And I've finally nearly finished my last coursework.
Most of the time I can be okay and on particular days I'm very happy but
then sometimes I become bored and dissatisfied. I realized this summer will be
the second year in a row I have not seen my family abroad. And this year I turn
20. I feel as though I haven't done anything with my life. I shouldn't be
feeling this way, but I don't feel like I'm challenging myself as much. This
boredom started quite awhile back, particularly when starting Uni. I started
this blog, youtube and the secret project and I had so many plans but I'm at
crossroads again.
I really wish I could wake up every morning to find every day different
from the rest but sometimes even the weather puts me off. Recently I thought to
myself. I wish I could go to Paris, or Hawaii. See something new and exciting,
see new people, try something new. Instead I'm at home typing for a diary for a
hospital work experience coursework deadline due next week even though everyone
is finished with their course and recently my friend Kaerith started a convo
asking about whether I knew when exam results are published.
It scared me. The words exam results. My future decided again on some
numbers on a piece of paper. And that's what my secret project is, if those
numbers turn out to be unlucky the project will be my hope. I really can't help
these feelings. I keep expecting things to change but the past inevitably repeats
itself.
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