Why is Happiness so short-lived?

I just had this question pop into my head today when I realized for again I wasn't happy. I just realized recently I'm like Haruhi Suzumiya in the respect that I want more than a normal life can give. I was so looking forward to this summer but I forgot that I would have no money and will be fasting soon. None of my friends have spoken to me in quite awhile and too much stuff keeps going through my head. I have a dilemma again and as usual its a stupid one. Should I continue doing cosplay or start thinking about travelling. There's so many characters that I still haven't done cosplaying. But cosplaying is such a short-lived experience and there's so much drama surrounding it. Should I give it up? And yet travelling is also expensive. I really want to explore the world but I don't know. I'm just fed up that nothing is happening at the moment. And I've finally nearly finished my last coursework. 

Most of the time I can be okay and on particular days I'm very happy but then sometimes I become bored and dissatisfied. I realized this summer will be the second year in a row I have not seen my family abroad. And this year I turn 20. I feel as though I haven't done anything with my life. I shouldn't be feeling this way, but I don't feel like I'm challenging myself as much. This boredom started quite awhile back, particularly when starting Uni. I started this blog, youtube and the secret project and I had so many plans but I'm at crossroads again. 

I really wish I could wake up every morning to find every day different from the rest but sometimes even the weather puts me off. Recently I thought to myself. I wish I could go to Paris, or Hawaii. See something new and exciting, see new people, try something new. Instead I'm at home typing for a diary for a hospital work experience coursework deadline due next week even though everyone is finished with their course and recently my friend Kaerith started a convo asking about whether I knew when exam results are published.

It scared me. The words exam results. My future decided again on some numbers on a piece of paper. And that's what my secret project is, if those numbers turn out to be unlucky the project will be my hope. I really can't help these feelings. I keep expecting things to change but the past inevitably repeats itself.  

Here's to the summer!!!

Just wanted to say here's to summer and to my youtube channel receiving over 2,000 views. I have no idea why but its the Mean Girls 2 review that is receiving the most views. Must be because the film is that infamous. Also my secret project is over 100 pages. For those of you who don't know, I'm writing a secret project. Cannot wait for Olympics and this summer I will try to do some more blogging on what's going on but the secret project will take main priority before second year of my uni course begins.
Thankyou ^^

Megan is Missing Film Review~ In short, what a vulgar film.

Usually I do my reviews on Youtube but my webcam is not working at the moment which I bet is a relief to some of my subscribers. Not only am I an atrocious reviewer but I always need wikipedia at hand to help me out with the plot and actor's names. Anyway, lately I've been watching alot of films due to boredom and being alone alot of the time. I was selecting another film to watch and came across a peculair titled film called 'Megan is Missing'. The title already gave it away that this was going to be a film about a girl being abducted and that it wouldn't have a happy ending but I decided to give it a watch. There's not alot of films which I watch and tell people to avoid. And when I say avoid, I really mean avoid. The film is shot like Paranormal Activity, found footage, so instantly there's a feeling of realism. Megan and Amy are friends, which is alittle hard to believe because Megan is a party, rebellious girl who has been molested by her step-father has an abusive step-mother whilst Amy is the good girl who respects her parents. The beginning of the film is kind of pointless but sheds light on the girl's friendship and what their lives are like before Megan goes disappearing which for me was already weird. Megan is popular but Amy isn't. For me the bit where the film got disturbing was when Megan was describing her first sexual experience at the age of 10 with a coach giving oral sex. It just scared me how these conversations can happen at such a young age with girls. Fast forwarding the story, Megan gets recommend to talk to this Skater Boy, called Josh from a friend. Instantly there are plot holes. Josh's webcam doesn't work but don't worry he's got a photo to prove who he says he is....Megan and Josh decide to meet at a party. He doesn't turn up. Next day, she demands what happened. Josh says he's shy. AWWWWWW.

Then Josh goes on to say they should meet behind a Diner. Megan is okay with this. PAUSE. WHAT!? Behind a Diner. The viewer is left to either facepalm or scream NOOOOOO when Megan leaves the room. The found footage then turns to ridiculous news reports. Briefly this film decides to become a comedy. Not only was the reporter slightly scaring me by calling Megan 'A Beautiful, popular girl' again and again, until she gushed it. But I had to facepalm at what some of Megan's so called friends had to say when tying pink ribbons around a tree. "We hope whoever took Megan sees the pink ribbon on the tree and decide to let her go". Yes, the kidnapper is a really sentimental, kind, loving person who took Megan but will have a soft spot for pink ribbons so might let Megan go. Well we can hope.

Here is where the plot holes deepen. Amy doesn't tell the police, that Megan was on her way to meet Josh when she disappeared. Heck she even decides to contact Josh to ask him if he saw Megan. Josh then insults her and threatens her, she goes to the police, perhaps alittle too late? And then the news reportshow Amy on TV and the name of the person she's accusing. All I can say is: WTF HAPPENED TO WITNESS PROTECTION?!

Your probably wondering why I'm making such a big deal about this but at the beginning of the film they say this film is based on actual events. If it is it needs to be realistic and I don't know but that seemed ridiculous, showing the witness who came forward on TV cause its no surprise Amy goes missing next. Poor Amy, I did feel sorry for what happened to her in the last 22 minutes of this abysmal tragedy but I blame quite a few people. I blame Amy's parents for letting her out after Megan disappearing, I blame Amy's school for not teaching her STRANGER DANGER and for not teaching her that playing underneath an empty remote bridge is the perfect place for someone to kidnap you and I also blame Amy's brain for failing her throughout the entire film. The film takes an ugly turn for the half an hour. I knew this film was going to turn ugly when two photos were shown of Megan from a fetish website.

The photos made my skin chill and straightaway the film decided it sucked at comedy and decided it should rear its ugly head. Leaving behind the news reports, the police find Amy's video camera discarded in a bin. On the tape are 22 minutes of basically Josh or whatever his name, torturing, humiliating, raping Amy, revealing the dead Megan and then finally burying Amy alive with the dead Megan. All I can say to this part is that it really was unnecessary, it dragged out far too long, hearing Amy pleading for 10 minutes before finally being buried was not only horrible but unnecessary, we get the point and you think if I watch all this brutality we'll see karma get Josh or whoever this sicko is, guess what he gets away.

And the girls remain missing. CREDITS ROLL

I understand this film makes a point and has a message but I wanted the comeuppance of the guy. Hostel was brilliant in that aspect, though you sat through torture and pain, the antagonists got what they deserved. Here it doesn't happen, like Wolf Creek all over again. My friend Sarah decided to watch it not believing me that this film was horrible and regretted it.  Although more questions arose. Why throw the film tape away into a bin, that's evidence that could be used against him and also surely a sicko would want a momento of the time with his victims to replay it. Its quite easy all these answers, they needed a story and footage to form this film, hence all these plotlines. I'm not going to lie, I felt sorry for Megan and Amy, regardless of their stupidity, they were just young girls. Megan thought it was the beginning of something special, perhaps Love and poor Amy must have been too naive and perhaps dim but she still didn't deserve any of what happened. And this is why I love Law and Order SVU. My favourite detectives catch criminals like these and put them behind bars where they deserve.

Opened a Flickr Account~ Here's to photos and pretty landscapes

I got a new camera 22nd May and took some photos of myself and Uni Campus with it on a summer's day. My Photography skills are still very basic but fingers crossed with time I bloom and take a photo of something snazzy like an iguana sprouting some wings and playing tennis. ^^

http://www.flickr.com/photos/adamfurey

Diary Entry #12~ June hits home, Expo amazing but blues sink in

Dear Diary, (that shouldn't be posted on the internet)
I've had a rubbish past two days. Which is abit of a let down since MCM Expo was amazing, as well as having the Vaan Cosplay being a success on masquerade and seeing and making so many new friends at Expo and in the Roundup and meeting some people from CLAMP Cosplay Group. The down inevitably follows after. I'm alone in my room again, nobody cares to visit me or even invite me and my eczema is getting worse. I don't know why, I keep applying medication but it keeps getting worse. Lately I've been trying to do things, I started a Flickr account and posted some photography I did. I've also practiced dances for the Vocaloid group and I also wrote a chapter for my novel. However two people annoyed me, my mother and Kaerith. A few days ago, my mum phoned for a favor not to ask how I was. It was alittle irksome but I let it go, after I did the favor I asked for support for my next cosplays and said it would take place during Halloween. That word Halloween initiated the phone call the next day from my mum phoning to give me an obvious lecture about celebrating Halloween. Holy moly, first a phonecall asking for a favour and then a phonecall for a lecture and a silly one at that. You think she was asking if I was doing drugs or something. I hung up the phone and ignored the voicemail. Its gotten to the point in my life where I'm fed up of people's input on my life. There are some people who take Halloween seriously and do celebrate it but I'm not one of those people, I'm doing cosplay during a time people will be dressing up for Halloween. If the convention was in August, I would still be putting on a costume, its just a different time.

My mum doesn't know me obviously if she thinks I'm thinking of going into Satanism or something. She hasn't phoned back to apologize and don't expect her to. Finally Kaerith, my big problem with Kaerith is lately all she has been doing is whining and complaining and its really starting to get on my nerves. In town today it started off well, we talked happily on the bus and made our way into town to browse shops. Where it started to go wrong I suppose was when Kaerith found the top she wanted but not the colour she was looking for. I told her to ask a member of staff if they had any in stock. Her response to me was really patronizing and condescending because she had previously worked in a shop before and everything out on the shelf was what they had. There was nothing to lose but what frustrated me even more was how she went into one shop and left moments later. Things got ugly on the bus journey back when Kaerith stepped too far and started as usual insulting all my obsessions. This is a usual occurence with alot of my friends and I laugh it off but today I got irked because Kaerith's tone of voice got really scary and vicious. She first dissed how I was not into male programmes like wrestling but chick flicks. I then said to her why she was always being horrible lately and she responded that it was because I was horrible first by saying all her cosplays were of sluts, which were not my words exactly. All I said was she liked doing the characters that gained attention of photographers and that the reason she wanted to do Rikku was because another cosplayer did it better than her. By this point it was no longer joke but words trying to hurt each other, I also let on alittle what I had thought. The last thing Kaerith asked me was what I was doing over summer and I replied that how nice it was of her to ask me one question about me but why should I respond. The whole bus journey was spent in silence, Kaerith was not very long with her farewell, she got off the bus very quickly and today we were meant to have gone jogging.

I'm kind of fed up of people judging my tastes in music or film. Every time I say to Kaerith, I recommend this film, its met with skepticism or sarcasm as though its already bad because I like it. When I want to do something its instantly rejected sometimes. Whilst I'm sure if its someone else she would have listened. How come she's always nice to everyone else.
Whatever. Friends can sometimes be horrible.

Diary Entry #11~ Oh dear, I forgot to update my blog for quite a while :B

Dear Diary (that shouldn't be posted on the internet),
sorry I haven't talked in awhile. As well as having alot of exams to revise for and doing Vaan's cosplay, blogging became a lower priority. Its been lonely lately but I'm coping alot better since April, my Vaan Cosplay is now 95% complete. I have 3 exams left to revise for and I got a new camera, I will be posting some of my photos that I took with it and the edit job. So what's been happening lately over May. Well quite alot. I had a heart to heart chat with my mum ages ago about being depressed about the summer holidays never going to plan and she gave me a wonderful idea, why not make a list of all the things you'd like to do for fun. So I started it: it included so far a jelly party, flying a kite, having a family picnic, making a film for my brother, a family photoshoot (which is now possible as my new camera arrived yesterday) and painting. My family have been supportive lately and taken such good care of me.

The House Situation
WE FOUND A HOUSE!!!! I know :D. It took ages but Kaerith and I found a house. Madnut dropped out bless after stating she wanted a place for herself Kaerith and I started searching for two bedroom houses instead of three bedroom houses, Kaerith was very pessimistic, which is strange because if we went back four years ago, it was me who was the pessimist and her the optimist. The house we went to look at had the landlady living downstairs so Kaerith was skeptical, "She might be horrible, strict and old". Again, Kaerith was very pessimistic, at one point I wanted to throw an umbrella at her.  The dreaded moment came where we tapped on the door and the landlady opened the door. The moment the Landlady opened the door, I knew this was our new home. She smiled and welcomed us in, had the most adorable ginger cat that loved me, which was peculiar because cats usually run away from me. The only minus was it was small, but it was nice, cosy small so that minus was already not a biggie. The house was certified by the Uni and the landlady was such wonderful company, we talked for 3 hours. No jokes. 3 hours. That's how friendly she was. And the cat was the final tug for changing Kaerith's mind. Kaerith was so relieved the house situation was sorted. The following Saturday the contract was signed.

Obsession PieChart
From Final Fantasy XIII-2 being my #1 game to play and breaking my heart with its tragic ending, my new obsessions included Dr House, after season 4, Dr House started getting on my nerves and the new cast wasn't doing it for me, so I started my search for a new TV series to get hooked to which became Gossip Girl. I have tweeted and facebooked so many times about Gossip Girl but I'm not kidding I love it so much I need the DVD boxset. Why do I like it? It makes me happy, its funny, there's drama but nothing serious and for once I don't have to be worried and it relaxes me. Strange reasons? I suppose. My fav character is Serena Van Der Woosen. I don't know why nobody else likes her.
Anyway shall update later some more. Need to do some more revision
TokyoDreamer9

Diary Entry #10~ Melancholy Days Again FUUU

Dear Diary,
cannot believe I am Melancholy again! Honestly, my posts are so negative and here's another one. Today I got very cross at alot of people. When people ask me for favours, I do it asap and without asking for anything in return. So when I started planning for a cosplay in 2011 and asked my family if they could help in any way possible to help do it whether it was advice and instructions, they said yes however so far it has been nothing short of a struggle doing this. Today marks another day where progress began and yet again halted. Even Final Fantasy XIII-2 can't take me out of this depression. My friend Kaerith tried to cheer me up. What's annoying me is simple. When you have planned something, you asked and asked again the person whether they would 100% be sure to help and give advice from an early time and then later on they let you down. It really is frustrating. And this isn't the first time. So I don't think I'll go to the convention this summer. Its too soon. Other than that, Titanic gets released tomorrow and everyone is going about a film called The Hunger Games which has also got me interested but I do not want it to become too hyped, films that get too popular end up being overrated making you have high expectations or the plot ruined because people talk about it too much. Other than that. I really do hope I post a more positive blog post next time. Let's hope tomorrow brings a happy day. Because life is too short and you know the rest :)