Sacrifices and new changes

After alot of thinking and deliberation. I've decided not to go to October Convention. I know it sounds crazy but trust me I came to this decision after alot of thinking. I've been thinking after awhile that I need to travel. I've been wanting to do it for so many years but kept putting cosplay first. The MCM Expo is so much fun and I've met so many people I will never forget. I will be returning to cosplay someday but for now I'm calling quits until I've done some travelling. For now the only plan I have is to cosplay the Shadow Card for October 2012 for CLAMP Cosplay Group. Other than that, I'm not going to any convention events. Also I need to focus on my secret project. For a while I've been thinking about going to New York and Tokyo and that's next on my list.

Adieu

TokyoDreamer9

Why is Happiness so short-lived?

I just had this question pop into my head today when I realized for again I wasn't happy. I just realized recently I'm like Haruhi Suzumiya in the respect that I want more than a normal life can give. I was so looking forward to this summer but I forgot that I would have no money and will be fasting soon. None of my friends have spoken to me in quite awhile and too much stuff keeps going through my head. I have a dilemma again and as usual its a stupid one. Should I continue doing cosplay or start thinking about travelling. There's so many characters that I still haven't done cosplaying. But cosplaying is such a short-lived experience and there's so much drama surrounding it. Should I give it up? And yet travelling is also expensive. I really want to explore the world but I don't know. I'm just fed up that nothing is happening at the moment. And I've finally nearly finished my last coursework. 

Most of the time I can be okay and on particular days I'm very happy but then sometimes I become bored and dissatisfied. I realized this summer will be the second year in a row I have not seen my family abroad. And this year I turn 20. I feel as though I haven't done anything with my life. I shouldn't be feeling this way, but I don't feel like I'm challenging myself as much. This boredom started quite awhile back, particularly when starting Uni. I started this blog, youtube and the secret project and I had so many plans but I'm at crossroads again. 

I really wish I could wake up every morning to find every day different from the rest but sometimes even the weather puts me off. Recently I thought to myself. I wish I could go to Paris, or Hawaii. See something new and exciting, see new people, try something new. Instead I'm at home typing for a diary for a hospital work experience coursework deadline due next week even though everyone is finished with their course and recently my friend Kaerith started a convo asking about whether I knew when exam results are published.

It scared me. The words exam results. My future decided again on some numbers on a piece of paper. And that's what my secret project is, if those numbers turn out to be unlucky the project will be my hope. I really can't help these feelings. I keep expecting things to change but the past inevitably repeats itself.